Rules on Gift Giving in Spain

The stress that's avoided when a country has clearly defined gift-giving practices

I love writing about Spain’s traditions and cultural practices, and this week I wanted to write about Spain’s clearly defined rules of gift-giving. These rules avoid needless stress and ambiguity when it comes to social events. It’s much easier to navigate parties when there’s an understood standard. You don’t have to feel guilty about, did I give too little, did I give too much (ok probably not feeling guilty about this one, but at least you know the gift barometer)? And the lack of ambiguity allows for the certainty of knowing how your gift will be received. You yourself also know what to expect when it’s time for your own birthday, wedding, etc.

Birthdays

First up, birthdays. I absolutely love celebrating birthdays in Spain. There could be no clearer rules here than the birthday gift-giving rules. In Spain, if it’s your birthday, you are actually expected to pay for your friends at the group lunch/dinner celebration! Granted, this can vary based on friend groups and age, but in general you either hang out for lunch or dinner and pay for everyone, or you host a party which you obviously pay for. If paying for the full meal is too much, you can at least expect that the person will buy a round of drinks. In exchange, the group of people attending the birthday almost always organize a “group gift”. I love this concept. They create a Whatsapp group based on all invites (or if it’s a lot of people usually sub-groups are formed), and then each person chips in 10-20 euro and you can get the birthday person a real great gift!

Weddings

The standard rule of thumb for weddings is that “you pay for your plate + a little extra” which translates to about 150-200 euros per person average (~300 per couple). Of course if it’s a closer friend then the expectation can be higher. There’s this understanding that when you have a wedding here, a decent part of it is going to be paid for by the guests. And I actually like that (knowing that eventually this comes back around to you). I don’t actually know what the norm is in the US anymore, historically I’ve given a gift from the registry but you never know how much to give.

The funny piece of this is how you give the gift, or more rather how it’s asked for. On every single Spanish wedding invitation, there’s usually a separate little note that says something to the effect of “while your presence is all we could wish for, here’s our bank account number if you want to make a contribution.” I get such a kick out of it every time, seeing the full bank account number there waiting for your $$. It’s direct though, and it’s clear, and ultimately it’s way more appreciated than a random toaster.

Another day I’ll write about the sheer joy that is Spain weddings, but let me tell you 150 euros per person is absolutely fine by me. Spaniards know how to have a wedding, they usually last at least 12 hours and there’s heaps of jamón ibérico.

Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties

Bachelor & bachelorette parties (stag & hen do’s for my English folks) are always paid for entirely by the attendees. I will say, and this is a likely a global phenomenon, I’ve never been to a bachelorette party that didn’t have at least a little bit of drama because of this rule. This is the one rule that I think, although clearly defined, invites a lot of room for interpretation. Some people expect to spend a lot on these weekends while others want to pay the bare minimum. I’ve seen instances where “what the bride/groom would want” is bypassed for the sake of not spending too much.

Baptisms

You’re probably noticing a trend by now. Just like weddings you are expected to give a cash donation towards the affair. This is probably the least defined as far as a specific number. After interviewing Spanish friends, most say it’s about 50 euros per person or 100 per couple. Baptisms are certainly more affordable than weddings but naturally the party pales in comparison.

Photo by Wijdan Mq on Unsplash